Love Me, Love Me Not...
Oh matters of the heart. I have written poetry all my life, a lot of it about love. I wrote my first poem at the age of five. It was a haiku about a rose.
I no longer care if people like me or not. If they like me, brilliant, they are likely part of my tribe! I learned a long time ago it's none of my business what others think of me. The most important thing is liking and loving myself. I live my life to make myself happy because I'm the only one responsible for it. It's not my job to please everyone else, also that would be impossible to do.
I wish I had a copy of my first poem although I will never forget about it. Since I don't have it, I have invented a new version for my eventual poetry book. I call this one "Rose" in honor of my first poem, this one is also a haiku.
"A heart beats loves bleeds, Petals perfumed letters thorns Stained white satin bows."© - Stephanie Castle
Love always changes us and leaves a permanent mark. It's up to us how. You get to decide if it will leave you in fear of being hurt again or with lessons that help you grow.
There is no perfect person, no soulmate to patch up the holes. You have to love yourself first, then you have a chance at possibly finding someone to share your life with and having a meaningful, healthy relationship.
Relationships are work. Do the work on yourself first. Spiritually, mentally. Even if that means therapy. People often go looking for things outside of themselves, but that only works temporarily. Once the bloom starts to fade, the real work begins. It helps to have a solid foundation. Boundaries. Good self esteem. Knowing yourself and being comfortable in your own skin. Self care. You must truly love, honor and respect yourself before you can love someone else in a healthy way.
It is believed that men and women are hard wired differently. Some men are not looking for love, but find themselves involved suddenly with someone who is desperate for love, they got involved physically too quickly, the other person was hoping for more, but ended up getting hurt instead. Or he ends up in a relationship with someone who has a lot work to do on themselves because they got involved without taking enough time to really get to know them. There are always exceptions, of course.
A woman with high self esteem is going to be selective and not jump in too quickly. It matters and is an energy exchange on a soul level. A woman who knows her worth will be patient when looking for a partner. Women usually are looking for potential and know once they cross a certain line their hearts get attached, so she is more careful. In general, this tends to be true, although there are exceptions as stated before. In history ladies used to have chaperones in courtship. Now a lady has to be her own protector and judge what she can handle herself.
There are also matters of love on the LGBTQ rainbow spectrum. Above can include these relationships and are not mutually exclusive. A lot of stereotypes exist. There is a joke about the U-Haul on the 2nd date for lesbians and that gay men are just promiscuous. Again, not always true. Everyone is different.
Online dating adds another artificial layer, pressure and complications to dating. There are matters of safety at stake, a sea of possible matches and it seems daunting to choose from thousands of profiles in an endless pool. All based on a few paragraphs and pictures. You lose so much context of personality, energy and even reality from the 2D snapshots of what people try to present of themselves. Honestly I don't care for it and it turns into what feels like a 2nd job. It can be exhausting, overwhelming and even frightening or dangerous to meet strangers. I don't do online dating anymore, preferring to meet people by chance in real life. That is more fun to me and more my speed. There is something to be said for getting to know someone organically.
My point of this post is that you need to be grounded and healthy yourself before getting involved with someone else if you want to have a better chance of having a great relationship that works. Take time to get to know someone. Pay attention to red flags, don't ignore them. And it is still possible to do that while having fun!
Also there is nothing wrong with being alone. Some of the best healing and growth happens when you are not in a relationship. I have gone years at a time alone, but not feeling lonely at all. You are not someone's other half. You are wholly complete all by yourself. When you love yourself you will likely not feel incomplete. It is okay to want a relationship, but it should enhance your life, not be the band-aid for issues or distraction so you don't have to look at them.
Love is a beautiful thing. Being okay with being alone is powerful. Loving yourself is complete freedom!
xo Love Bohemian Queen